Rule Your Mind
This morning I got some news that rocked me. It felt like the death of a dream I've held for 25 years. It felt like a betrayal from somone I've known longer than anyone. And it hurt so desperately. I hid in my room and just bawled. It was the worst I've felt in a long time. Once you've practiced feeling good for a while...anything less seems unacceptable. I sat down with my pen and the notebooks I drag around with me everywhere. I started writing my prayer...my plea for help from the Universe, God, Spirit, Source (whatever you choose to call it). I needed help. It was the first day of a 4 day weekend for me and I didn't want to spend any more of it feeling this way...but I was really struggling with dissappointment, hurt and anger.
Before I'd finished 2 sentences of my prayer, perspective floated softly into my mind (softly being the key word here). It would've been very easy for me to dismiss it or not notice it, given the way I was feeling, but I was looking for it. I noticed it. I allowed it. I thanked it for coming and for how much better I felt.
I'll be honest...there was a part of me that wanted to be angry. I wanted to prove how underhanded the other person had behaved. I had shared my plans with this person and they went behind my back. There was a tug of war in my head. As the perspective floated in, there was a second where I wanted to push it away and shout, "They are wrong!" I felt anger push back and then I recognized how much I didn't like it and chose to allow my "answers" and the help I'd asked for to enter my mind. There was peace.
When I picked up my phone...the picture at the top of the page popped up in my memories.
"Rule your mind or it will rule you"
My anger tried to pick a fight with me a few more times that day. It was work to shut it down, but I kept going back to the calming ideas that had floated into my head earlier.
I learned I can't share things with this person. Lesson learned and peace gained.
I'm Making Waves