Updated: Jul 26
If you know me or follow any of my other platforms, you know I've been on a bit of a journey to figure my life out. I have had to unlearn so many things in order to learn the things I really needed to know to find peace and joy. I think the hardest thing for me to learn was to trust my own inner guidance before I trusted anyone else. We seem to believe everyone is more qulified than us. MD's, Lawyers, Journalists, Philosophers, Influencers, they are so much smarter than us, right? I've come to find the answer to that question is..."Not necessarily". I've mentioned I was raised in a very religious home. I was taught not question...to have faith. Don't get me wrong, I am an extremely faith-filled person. I believe you have to have faith. But the question is...in what? When you believe everyone else has all the answers, and those answers don't feel right, or those answers bring you a feeling of despair, having faith in them isn't a good thing.
I'm not trying to get people to question their faith or their beliefs in their religion. My goal is to help others learn to trust their own inner guidance. It was a long, difficult path for me because I was taught to lean on the faith and beliefs of others and not my own. When I did feel as though I'd recieved inner guidance, I wouldn't believe it becuase it didn't always align with what I had been taught. I believed I was wrong and therefore bad. This was confusing as hell to me because I had spent my life trying to be a good and devoted daughter, wife, mother and friend. How could I be bad or feel so sad when I was doing everything I had been taught would bring me peace and clarity?
I remeber watching one of the Twilight films. I didn't read the books and I'm not a huge fan, but there was a moment in one of the films that stood out to me. There's a scene where Bella has just seen people that she knows and is friends with turn into vampires and wherewolves and brawl. I'm paraphrasing, but I remember her posing the question, "What if everything we know is a lie?" I found myself asking the same question of life. My answer, would come after years of inner tennis matches and confusion.
I wasn't listening to my own inner guidance. That was the answer. I was listening to what the world told me was possible and available to me. It felt awful. Nothing the world said I should do felt right. I felt lost and alone.
The hardest part was having to keep all these inner discoveries and realizations a secret. Of course everyone knew something was up with me. I allowed everyone I loved to judge me and I couldn't react. What would reacting do? Nothing but cause more judgement and unwanted debates. I could hear the whispers, and I overheard the comments that were made when others thought I couldn't hear. I would allow it and move on believing that MY way woud be made plain to ME. It was so hard. Sometimes it still is. But, as I get better and better at having faith and following MY breadcrumbs, I see doors opening and find direction where there seemed to be none. I have faith that I will be guided and suddenly, I am.
There are a lot of mindset gurus and coaches that have recently emerged. I love the stories and paths they share. This is mine. It has been long and hard...but it's getting better. My hope is that it doesn't have to be so hard for others. My hope is that, as I learn and share, others will be buoyed to learn and share, as well.